Intro 2020

This year starts relatively well. As the clock strikes February, after a long none-too-rare period of 'Meh' something has clicked back into place and I WANT to go to exhibitions again. I WANT to write in my blog. I’m not too tired or too bored anymore.

I don't like the term 'Depression'. Even as someone who has personally experienced it, I can't shake the stigma that it's just another bullshit excuse for someone having a crappy attitude. That it's something that can be overcome like any other bad mood, by smothering it with things we like. Like fun, friends and... damnit, I felt like I was building a theme there, then ran out of positives beginning with F. You get the gist though. And it's bullshit. Ain't nothing changing a depressed brain. You can roll it around in 24/7 happy shit and all it will get is dizzy.

I personally found that one of the most disconcerting things about depression is that you don't necessarily know that you have it.
I'd had bouts of depression previously and I recognised them because the Good times and the Bleak times were close enough together for me to discern the difference. But this last bout lasted over a year and by the end of that year I had wholly forgotten the experience of 'wanting' to do something interesting on my days off. Life with depression was just what life was until I woke up one morning after many months of treading water and noticed that the vibrant colours of life were back. That I didn’t want to go home because it was easy, but go out because it was FUN. It was like coming out of a cave and remembering that there was such a thing as daylight. 

In a nutshell, life after long-term depression is not just better... not just a relief... it is goddamn f'ing euphoric!

So with the relief of this indefinable burden lifted I surge ahead into 2020.

Wanna come?

PS. FORNICATION!! Fun, Friends and Fornication!